I can’t sleep right. It has been months

I am right here typing, full of thoughts in the middle of every night. My heart is so heavy with sadness. I always try to pray and ask the Lord to forgive me for my sins and negativity. I am in a house with a family in it but doesn’t seem to get along with each other, I can’t breathe and I can’t help them either. I am lying in an airbed with the love of my life and yet we are so far away from each other. I am trying to fight my own battles and trying to love myself again, I am trying to fight this anxiety and I can’t shake it off. I am already tired of feeling guilty, of being a burden and being rejected over and over again by families. 

I’m so alone. I think, I’m getting numb.

Nobody wants me. Nobody will choose me. I am no longer included and being invited.

Am I always going to be an outsider? I guess so.

Sleep is my answer bto anxiety